Moony's Angel
by Corporal Katz
Summary: Sent from above, Remus' Guardian Angel saves him from making the biggest mistake of his life. Slash. Rated for language. Post OotP.


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Dedications: To _Kirstin_, my fellow Sirius/Remus buddy_,_ and to _Mesfab, _who always listens kindly when I talk _non-stop_ about this pairing. ^^ 

Disclaimer: All characters within this fan fiction belong to J.K. Rowling and the lot… Trust me, if I owned the Harry Potter universe Sirius wouldn't be "dead" and poor Remus wouldn't be suffering such a miserable existence.

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"Angels are inseparable friends, who bring strength and consolation to those who include them in their lives. In truth, angels are our best friends." Janice T. Connell

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Moony's Angel

I can see you, but I can't touch you. And you can't touch or see me. 

I'm here with you, but you don't know that. I wish you did because you wouldn't be sitting here in your darkened bedroom with those sleeping pills, (and yes, I know what they are. Not all Wizards are ignorant of the Muggle world) contemplating what I think you are contemplating. Damn you, Remus. Just because I'm gone it doesn't mean the world is over. Just because I'm not here in the physical sense, not holding you at night, not kissing you tenderly it doesn't mean I'm gone entirely. 

Harry needs you, dammit. You're the only person from our past, from James' past, that's left. Grieve with him! Don't you leave him! 

You lay on your bed curled up on your side, with a tiny white bottle clenched in your hand. You don't sleep… you don't eat… This is not you, not the Remus I knew. Who has taken my Remus? Please, please put those pills away. Please get dressed. Please make a cup of tea, read a book. 

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Anything! 

I watch as your eyes glance in my direction, though they see nothing but the chipped oak bedside table. I'm not a ghost. I am an Angel – your Guardian Angel, sent to stop your self-destruction. 

I know I'm dead. 

I fell through the veil. 

Who knew there was a Heaven? I always thought it was just a Muggle thing, a Lily thing. I was wrong. We were all wrong.

They sent me, Remus - James and Lily - to stop you, to help Harry. He's suffering too. And if you go, that is it. There's no coming back, remember that. 

I watch as you sigh and slowly sit up. _Movement!_ I suddenly feel hopeful for the first time since I was sent. I don't know how long I've been here. Time is long forgotten. Time doesn't exist in the Afterlife. 

I hope you flush those pills down the toilet, shake your head and berate yourself for being so stupid. But no such luck... From my position on your bedside table I can see you struggling internally with a decision. 

You swing your long legs over the side of the bed and walk slowly to your bedroom window, wiping the dust away to look out sadly. It's full moon tomorrow night, and you shudder, wrapping your arms around your thin frame. 

The moonlight seeps through the clean parts of the glass, bathing your tired, pale face in silvery-blue light. 

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So beautiful…

You don't cry, because you are numb. 

Cry, Remus. Let it out, and be angry. You have every right to be. 

I jump down from the little table and walk across the room to stand right behind you. Though I can't feel your soft skin, I can pretend. I pretend I'm wrapping my arms around your waist, I pretend I'm resting my chin on your shoulder, I pretend that you can see me, hear me, kiss me… 

Fuck it, life isn't fair – I found that out the hard way. And so did you.

You turn around and walk straight through me. I both love it and hate it when you do that.

You sit on the edge of your bed and turn the little bottle over and over again in your callused hands, before gripping it tightly in your left hand, staring at it intently.

I know that look; I've seen it a hundred times before. 

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"NO!" I scream, and storm across the room. I try to slap the bottle out of your hands - forgetting I can't touch you - only succeeding in overbalancing, ruffling the snow white feathers of my wings, my white linen robes tangling around my bare feet. 

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"Please, Remus, don't do it!" 

Sprawled out pathetically on the floor I watch helplessly as you unscrew the cap and spill out - how many - five, six, nine white tablets? Your eyes are blank; the sparkling brown orbs I once knew were gone, now replaced with utter emptiness. 

I scramble to my knees, and watch in horror as you slowly raise your hand to your mouth. If I could, I would cry at the injustice of it all.

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"No!" I cry out again and again. _"Don't fucking do this!! You selfish bastard, you fucking selfish bastard!! Why are you doing this - to me, to Harry, to everyone!"_ I was so angry - not at you but at myself. I felt so useless. Why did they send me… to torture me? To make me suffer in death as I did in life? Maybe this was a punishment in disguise, to watch a loved one kill himself and not able to do anything about it. 

And I thought Azkaban was bad. 

I half sob, and tear my hair out in frustration. I take a deep breath and lean into your face, locking my grey eyes with your brown, even though you can't see them. 

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"I LOVE YOU!!" I scream out desperately. 

For the first time in over fifteen years… I just told you I loved you…

You pause just as you are about to swallow the tablets.

Silence.

It's as if you heard me. And the world is eerily still; your eyes seem to be burning into mine…

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"I… love… you, Remus…" I whisper…

Your pale brow frowns slightly in confusion, and I can hear the uneven, shallow breaths. _"I will always love you…"_ The bottle slips from your palm, and lands on the cold wooden floor with a rattle. _"For eternity…"_

Suddenly, a look of utter disgust and revulsion of what you were about to do crosses your face, and you run to the bathroom, spitting out the medication from your mouth into the sink, washing out the bitter taste with a glass of water. For a long time you stare at yourself in the mirror intently, thinking – trying to make sense of the situation.

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"What - what was I thinking… How – could I do that…?_"_

I'm shaking in relief, and I bury my face into my palms. 

Eventually you walk back into your moonlit room, pausing, standing in the middle of the floor. Looking up towards the ceiling you close your eyes and take a deep breath before opening them slowly.

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"Sirius…?_"_ My head snaps to attention. Did you hear me before…? Impossible… _"_If you can hear me… if there is such a place as Heaven… and you're in it, well…I'm – I'm not ready yet… there's too much for me here to do. I hope, where ever you are, you are happy and at peace… _I love you…" _The last part was whispered as a single tear rolled down a pale cheek. 

I'm frozen on the floor, staring up in awe as you walk through me for the second time this evening, heading for the bedside table. Pulling out the middle drawer you take out a battered old photo album. It is our album. Treasured memories from our school days. Calm and peace settles in the room, and we both wear small, sad smiles on our faces. 

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"I hope Harry's still awake._"_ And clutching the album under one arm, your wand in the other, you disappear with a _crack._

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The End. 

I hope you liked it. It's my first Harry Potter fan fiction, inspired by _'The Scientist'_ by _Coldplay_. It's such a lovely song; buy it, download it or whatever - it's well worth it! 

Sorry about this being unbeta'd, my beta-reader (Kirstin) is away so I hope my attempt at proofreading wasn't too bad considering the story only took me three hours to write. :P :- ) 


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